Mercy killing or cold-blooded plant murder?

I have a very tenderhearted almost-13-year-old.  This afternoon was drizzly and warm out (for November anyway), and everything was melting.  Did I mention it was also raining?  Needless to say, it was kind of miserable outside.

On the kitchen table was a doomed sage plant that I had dug out of my herb pot this fall and brought in the house, thinking I could grow it inside until next spring.  It works with rosemary really well; oregano and thyme not so much, but they're doing better than this poor, sad sage plant.  The plan was to chuck it out on the compost heap, so I asked Evan to do this simple thing for me.

But he objected to the plan.  Maybe it was the way I worded my request: "I need you to do something for me, please.  Throw this plant out on the compost heap; it's a mercy killing."  He didn't see it that way... it was cold-blooded murder, and he was not going to be a part of any type of plant killing.

I realized my error and told him that the plant really was infested with bugs (I thought it was, otherwise, why would it look so SAD?) and wasn't going to survive anyway.  And MAYBE it'll grow back next spring... if it's placed properly in the compost heap.  I was stretching it, but I really needed that plant pot empty (I have some green onion root tips that need to get potted).

He had this brilliant idea: "Put the pot outside and the bugs will die!"  I waited for the lightbulb to come on....  "Oh, wait, if I put the plant outside to kill the bugs, not only will the plant still die, but I'm also KILLING the bugs!"  More cold-blooded murder.  I sighed.  And let him work it out in his own way.

A few minutes later, he came in triumphantly and put the empty pot on the kitchen table.  Outside, perkily planted in our empty garden, was the sage plant, waiting out the winter "safely" in the dirt.  It actually looks quite beautiful out there, a splash of green in the midst of brown and white.

I haven't the heart to tell him that it likely won't survive our Zone 4 winters (it's rated for Zone 5).  If it does survive, it'll be a miracle, and one so tenderhearted really should see those types of miracles more often than those of us with pragmatic hearts.  And they probably do see miracles more because their eyes see more.  They see the importance of a poor little plant, and value even the little bugs that have made their home in the pot.

I love my second-born, so full of contradictions and flair.  He brings a lot of excitement into my life, and believe me when I say I could use a lot less excitement.  But there are moments of joy, especially at times like these, when I'm given a glimpse into how his mind works.  He's a miracle, and I'm thankful for my tenderhearted almost-13-year-old.

Strange and beautiful ice in my life

Ice is a strange substance.  It's the solid form of water, and yet it floats (most solids sink), which means it's lighter than water.  Of course, we could say that water is a strange substance, but I want to stick with ice for a moment because we have SO MUCH of it here in Minnesota right now.

It's been sleeting all day and there's a coating of ice on everything -- roads, trees, little frozen plants, the windows of my van, which is really annoying when you're in a hurry to go somewhere.  The ice is inconvenient, but pretty, in a twisted kind of way.  I say twisted because what we find beautiful is the ice encasing everything -- smothering it, you could say.

Some of the smaller cedar trees are bent in half from the weight of the ice.  I kind of laughed because that looks comical, but I also sighed internally, because that's often a picture of me going through my day.  It's a bit tragic, if you want to go to the dark side of that thought, because the weight of that pretty ice can break the tree in half, or at least break the branches off.

As I drove through the day delivering my Yellow Books (yes, DO call off your vicious attack dogs as I walk up to your front door -- and do NOT open the door and let them come charging out at me.  Thank you.), I thought of how spectacular the ice would look if the sun suddenly came charging out of the dreary clouds (kind of like those dogs).  Spectacular!  But it didn't all day.  Darn.

So I thought of how we add things that we think are good and beautiful to our lives, when all the while, it's slowly bending us in half from the weight.  Things like electronics (portable or not), new vehicles, another shiny kitchen tool (but for sure get the Pampered Chef can opener), that lovely diamond necklace you've been pining for, the latest computer accessory, and a myriad other things that we think will make our lives easier and happier.

How does it weigh us down?  It takes our time... time to play with it, to take care of it, to pay for it.  Oh sure, when we first get the shiny new thing, we are happy for a while.  And then strangely, we are dissatisfied again.

What else can we get now?  Oh yippee, the new version is out!  And only 15 months after the last version came!  How thoughtful of the manufacturers to come out with it as soon as we've gotten bored with that last version.  They're so nice to us.  Not!

What's so sad is that we all are willing participants in this mad merry-go-round.  Me included!  The advertisers know this, we know this (even if we're not willing to admit it sometimes), the "trend-makers" know this.

I know this is trending towards material things, but there are some good and beautiful activities we add to our lives that may be weighing us down as well.  If what you're doing is causing you to lose focus on the important things, like God, spouse, and children, then it can be deadly and destructive.

De-icing for me means spending more time with my kids, trying to communicate more with hubby, having a quiet time each day to think about what's important and counting my blessings.  Simple and beautiful, without all the bells and whistles.  Or ice.

What's your ice?

Curiosity is a curious thing

I have a tendency to go overboard on things.  When my curiosity is aroused, I am consumed with finding information on wherever my latest interest lies.  Depending on the subject, I can be satisfied with one session at the computer, or sometimes, become a lifelong fan (Flylady and Libera are two examples).  Learning about houseplants was another interest, a long time ago, and before I had the internet, so I borrowed lots of books from the library.  (That's another blog topic altogether!)

This all-consuming curiosity can be a problem, especially since I have three boys, a house to clean, a temporary part-time job, lead a children's group at Bible Study Fellowship, and do a lot of church volunteer work.  Time is always a scarce commodity.

The problem lies in spending too much time in researching, learning, reading, watching.  And the internet has made it easier to do all of that, which gets me in trouble because it is very time-consuming.  It all started when we got high-speed internet a few years ago.

Before high-speed, the internet was a dull, frustrating place and I didn't want to spend time on it (dial-up is such a drag).  However, it was harder to do schooling, and Google wasn't at my fingertips to find out the answer to my latest question, whatever it may be.  And I had no (gasp!) Facebook.

So satisfying my curiosity can be a good thing, yet there needs to be a balance.  I'm still trying to find that balance, and more often than not, I'm definitely on the unbalanced side of things (and it somehow never goes over to the "housecleaning" side.  My family would keel over in shock if that were ever to happen).

I'm ever-hopeful that "one day" I'll finally find the perfect balance and life will roll smoothly on, with nary a struggle or moment of stress.  Yeah, right.  That'll happen the day I die... then I'll have "perfect" rest!  Or the day I begin prescription drugs to help me cope with the stress.  But I digress.  Wow, I'm full of rhymes tonight.

The phrase "curiosity killed the cat" has popped up in my mind and I wonder if it's possible for curiosity to kill your... time, priorities, relationships, and peace.  When I look for balance, I guess what I'm really looking for is peace, the sense that things are as they should be.  No matter my circumstances, I can roll on peacefully, calmly, purposefully.

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You" (Isaiah 26.3).  A steadfast mind is one that is firm in belief, determination, or adherence, and is not subject to change.  That sounds purposeful and focused!

The key word for me in that Isaiah passage is the first one, "You."  It's not me who keeps me in perfect peace, it's Him.  My job is to stay steadfast in belief, determination, and adherence... and to trust.  I believe that His Son died for me, loves me and cares for me.  I am determined to live my life for Him.  I adhere to the principles in the Bible (or try to).  And I trust Him with everything I am and have.

I'm not totally there yet, as many of you know (you can stop laughing now).  But perfect peace will come when I am able to prioritize everything in my life in the right place, with feeding my curiosity somewhere between God and doing the laundry.  One baby step at a time, and this blog is recognizing that I need to re-prioritize.  And maybe re-name this blog "Mid-Afternoon Musings"?

What brings you peace?

Pause, and step out of the stream

Getting older sucks sometimes.  There's the increasing number of aches and pains that pop up out of nowhere.  Your feet hurt when you get out of bed every morning.  The gray hairs (if you have any hairs) are multiplying like rabbits in the Australian outback.

You look at young moms and dads carrying their babies and toddlers and think, "Gosh, those parents look like they should still be in high school...!"  People you knew in high school start making the news, all distinguished and old-looking.

I know, I know, I've still got a ways to go before I reach official "old" status (notice I started with "getting older," not "getting old").  Maybe it's that midlife crisis that has me thinking about getting older, and wondering what's ahead for me.

My eyes have been opened these past weeks as I muse about ageing.  I'd been too busy, involved in my own life and schedule, and have hardly noticed the number of "old" people who walk through my life.

I saw the gentleman walking slowly through my neighborhood, wearing his jacket and tweedy beret, taking a leisurely shuffle in the brisk fall air.  The prim, proper little old lady sitting at the WalMart bench, waiting for someone, I suppose.  The even older little lady with the sad, hopeless eyes, being led through the parking lot by her daughter? grandaughter?

These people seem to be standing quietly on the banks of a restless stream, watching humanity flow by loudly, ceaselessly.  One day, I will be one of them, if I am lucky (?) enough to live that long.

When I'm done raising my kids, and the grandkids have all grown up, how will I spend my time?  What will be my purpose then?  As body fails, eyesight and hearing dim, and joints crackle, what will I be doing to keep myself going?  I honestly don't know at this point.

I have been quite depressing about this whole ageing thing, sorry.  There is a brighter side, and that has to do with looking forward to what comes after.  Let me explain.

A long time ago, I once had someone ask me where I thought I'd go after I died.  I said, "Well, I don't know if I believe the whole heaven and hell concept.  I think maybe we just 'snuff out' when we die; just stop existing."  This was a little comforting to me, because hell seemed like a really bad idea.

Then they asked me, IF there was a heaven and a hell, where would I hope to go?  I said, "Well, I hope I'd go to heaven.  I've been a good person, you know, never murdered anyone.  Yet."

They asked me to give them a percent, based on what chance I thought I had of getting into heaven.  I said flippantly, "Oh, probably 60%. My good deeds should outweigh my bad, pretty heavily, if I might add."

The next question was a toughie... what would I say to God to let me in to heaven?  Jiminy!  I think I mumbled something about "God, ummm, I think I've been a good person.  Let me in, please?"  Ok, epic fail on that one, and a bit pathetic.

THEN the question that had me stumped, and ultimately saved my soul.  This person dared to say that if I were right and he was wrong, then everything would be fine, right?  My soul would cease to exist and there would be no consequence for my deeds, good or bad.  I would be fine -- nonexistent, but fine.

But if HE was right, and there was a heaven and a hell, would my pathetic plea to God be able to save me?  Where would I be for eternity?  I had no answer for that one, because I was clueless.

As I look ahead and see the years of my life flow by, I know that, ultimately, we all end up going through death and coming out one way or another.  This makes me pause... and step out of the stream for a moment to consider my life.  How will I use the rest of the time I've been given before heading into that great beyond?

And for you, do you know where you're headed?