Celebrating... winter?

Woohoo! The snowpack is melting, the snowpack is melting! The air feels so balmy, I almost want to go out without a coat. Almost. I did leave my gloves off, though.

This really late January thaw is a welcome relief from the frigidness of late. But even as I celebrate and feel the hope that spring is just around the corner, I know Minnesota well enough to clamp down on my enthusiasm and temper it with cynicism. March is around the corner, and all good Minnesotans know that it's the snowiest month of the year.

I love how some optimistic (and apparently really hot-blooded) crazies decide that just because it's warmer outside than it was a few days ago, they can go outside in a t-shirt and shorts. But going from 32 below to 48 above doesn't qualify as that much of a heat wave to me, even though it's 80 degrees difference. That's just me, though.

I was never a native-born Minnesotan. These are a special type of people... anti-freeze flows in their veins. The mental toughness it takes to make it through 6 (at least) months of winter creates strong, able-bodied characters who can stare a blizzard in the face and laugh while they stock up their freezers (which are in the garage, along with the extra fridge) and batten down the hatches.

An inch of snow can bring the great state of Texas to its knees, and Minnesotans (because they're nice) will offer words of condolence and smiles of sympathy. Meanwhile, we jump in frozen lakes (after we cut a hole in top...sometimes) for fundraisers or just for the heck of it. When the ice gets too thin to walk on and we want to get some more ice fishing in, we drag canoes out on it "in case" we break through.

Speaking of ice fishing, we create whole cities of fish houses on larger lakes, with street names, and snowplowing services. Some of the fish houses are nicer than many double wide trailer homes. This is fishing where you drill some holes in the ice and wait for the fish to swim by and take your bait (for those of you who live where the lakes don't freeze and are envisioning catching chunks of ice).

Now I know most of you reading this are Minnesotans, so this is nothing new to you. But it is a different way of life, and most of us embrace it. What else can you do with 6 months of winter?

The great part about this state, this country... and the world in general, is the differences. We can celebrate how we do things differently! Some of you, after reading this post, may be thinking, "Thank heavens I don't live in Minnesota!" (heck, I thought that when we were living in Trinidad. That was then, and this is now).

I started with this post celebrating the spring-like weather, and end it with celebrating the uniqueness of Minnesotans and our devastating, incredible, lengthy, and character-building winters. When it comes down to it, loving where you're at is the ultimate in contentedness, which brings peace. Minnesotans have made "loving where you're at" an art form. I can respect that, and enjoy this thaw even knowing that March is around the corner.

P.S. What's your favorite winter activity? I need to go downhill skiing before spring gets here!

The challenge of parenting teens

I don't know what it is about teenagers, but life with a challenging one can be nearly impossibly stressful. We only have two in our house for now, but it's interesting, to say the least.

First, I have to confess that our problems compared to others may seem small or even trivial, when you think of the drugs, alcohol, violence, gang activities, and who know what else is out there for teens. So let's get that clear to begin.

But as we transition from young boys to young teens, life is changing. Now I long for the days when the most I worried about was feeding them nutritious meals or cleaning up after bath time. Life was much less complicated. Very BUSY, but less complicated.

I miss the cuddling and sweet, sticky kisses of my chubby faced, ham-fisted little stinkers. I do still remember how much less sleep I got when they were babies, and the seemingly endless diaper changes, but it's all fading into the rosy mist that parents of teens like to revisit when their teen is being impossible.

It was easier being a parent then because you were in charge, completely, of these little ones. They depended on you to feed them, clothe them, bring them places, and show them how life works. They were completely dependent on you, and they LIKED it that way, because that was the only way they knew the world.

For some parents, that started changing when the kids hit the terrible twos. My boys were pretty easy, even their terrible twos, and I can't even say it was because of what we did as parents (it may have helped, but only God knows how much it helped!). I think they were pretty easy-going kids, although it may be that rosy mist interfering again.

But BAM, middle school (and now high school) began, and life changed. Suddenly we are faced with multiple teachers, horrendous peers and the pressure they bring, homework that requires organization and diligence, and worst of all, the ATTITUDE that parents are hopeless, useless, and not worthy of respect. It's that attitude that chaps my hide the most.

I know, "all teens" go through this attitude phase (and I'm praying it's just a phase and will go away, hopefully before they turn 40), and I even remember reading articles about teens when I was a teen, but apparently it didn't sink in -- I still had an attitude when I was a teen. I'm not proud of it, but I'd like to think it didn't last until I turned 40.

I do really appreciate my parents now, and try to let them know it as often as I can. And apologize when I think about it. Mom, Dad, you can chime in any time and let everyone know how I did as a teen. I can take it, honest. Love you!

Anyway, my teens are testing my sanity regularly. The really hard part about it all is this thought: "Am I doing the right thing for them?" There are so many paths you could take in disciplining a teen, so many different ways of dealing with them... the mental strength it takes to think about all the ways gives me a splitting headache. It doesn't always help when you read articles that give you tips on "how to handle your teen" because that's just another way to do things.

I'm not talking about principles of parenting like being consistent, or showing a united front. That's all fine and great, and we've read innumerable articles/books on these principles. I try to follow biblical principles when it comes to parenting, and the wonderful, sweeping statements like following the Golden Rule or the Greatest Commandment are fantastic principles.

But when it comes down to the rubber meeting the road, when your teen is sitting next to you, and you're trying to help him do his math homework, and he doesn't want to because he's spent all afternoon goofing around and now he wants to watch TV for two hours but can't because he's doing homework with his nagging mom, it just takes too much time to think of how to apply the Golden Rule.

Faced with "the attitude" at that kitchen table, I could only think of removing it from my presence. So I sent the attitude up to his room. How many different ways could I have handled that better? SO MANY WAYS. But thinking about them all induces that splitting headache mentioned above.

I'd like to think that I'm a good parent, but these teen years often have me feeling like the biggest failure ever. Maybe it's not about making mistakes, but in acknowledging them and admitting that it could have been done better, to yourself and to your teen.

My favorite verse of the bible is "Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love" (Ephesians 4:2) which is in line with the Golden Rule. Being a Christian is "easy" because "all" we have to do is be like Christ and love God with all our hearts, souls, and minds (the Greatest Commandment).

It's easy, but when the rubber meets the road, only God can give us the strength and wisdom to do the right thing, whether it's before we make our mistake, or after. Sometimes, parents don't know this is an option, and while it doesn't necessarily make parenting teens any easier, it helps with the peace of mind (and the splitting headache).

I know what I should do with my recalcitrant teen now, and my own recalcitrant heart. Do you have teens or older? What advice would you give me?