I just made a chocolate pudding cake at the insistence of pesky nine-year-old son, and the house smells delicious. Gotta say, it was worth that first bite right out of the oven.
Speaking of pesky sons, I have been struggling with dealing with all three of my sons snarking at each other (not sure if that's the correct use of "snarking," but it FEELS right) at various times throughout the day. More often than less, if you know what I mean. I get so danged tired of telling them to knock it off that it makes me crabby, being crabby.
I know it's not right to compare, but I see other families and it seems like they all get along so much better than we do. It makes me grit my teeth (like right now, second son is hollering that first son has taken some of his money and he wants me to tell him to give it back. Whatever.)... and want to lock myself in the basement, if we had one that was decorated nicely and had plush carpeting. And a fireplace, with some fine chocolate.
What have we done wrong?? I guess there's some benefit to looking at what we've done wrong, and even better would be finding out where we need to change (once we find out what we've done wrong). But dwelling on the wrong that's been done is like praying for someone to overcome their faults, over and over. The emphasis becomes the negative, instead of focusing on the positive.
If I pray for someone's faults to improve every day, I'm thinking about how annoying these faults are, and why the heck can't they change, and how life would be so much better for me if these faults of theirs would just go away.
Ok, I can see you all smirking at me because that's exactly what I've been doing with my boys, focusing on their snarking every day instead of seeing the positive. Thanks, thanks so much. No, really, that's what I love about blogging; it's therapy, and you all get to see the messy working-out of my inner psycotherapist.
Let's see... what's the positive.... They're not on drugs; they CAN play together at times; two of them still like hugs from their mom; they listen most of the time; they still like to spend time with us; they DO try with their schoolwork most of the time; and none of them are driving. Yet.
I guess they're pretty good boys, overall. If the only thing that's bugging me at this point in life with three boys is them snarking at each other, then life's darned easy. It just feels like it's a trial sometimes, and that's only because my perspective is limited.
I'm trying to encourage more positivity in our conversations, so I've instituted a rule that for every negative comment, the instigator has to make five positive comments about the victim. It's been working out all right, and I'm hoping it's causing them to think twice before saying what they think they need to say.
The boys actually like to hear the positive comments about themselves (if the comments are sincere), and we've ended up giggling together about some of the positive comments. I've had to make some positive comments myself, and it's fun to encourage the boys by telling them how I appreciate them.
They are still boys, after all, and need encouragement to grow; it's like light and water to them. Words can be so important, and I think I haven't said enough encouraging things about the boys on a daily basis. I want to change that, and this little rule is helping me accomplish it.
How do you encourage your kids, and what are some ideas to bring positive elements into your day with them? I need all the help I can get! Thanks for reading, and stay safe and well!
