I saw the enemy, and it was me

There's nothing like working at the mall, taking pictures of Santa with terrified children to suck the Christmas spirit right out of you.  That's what I've been doing the last 5 weeks or so, with one more grueling week to go.

Don't get me wrong, I love taking portraits, especially when the child that wouldn't even look at Santa is now sitting in a rocking chair, smiling away, blissfully unaware that the guy in the red suit is sitting right behind them.  And then there are the adorable 3 year-olds who walk right up to Santa with shining eyes, clamber onto his lap, and give him a great big hug.

But I have to tell you about a moment this last week that made me stop and check myself.  It's scary when we see the enemy, and the enemy is us.  Or me, I should say.

It was a typical Tuesday, kind of slow, since it wasn't the week before Christmas yet.  But in the evening, the line got longer, and I was working hard to get those sometimes elusive smiles.  It's physically tiring work, but I consider it my Christmas workout program.

Anyway, this lady comes through with her four children, all of them 8 or older, and typically with that age comes a more difficult time getting the "real" smiles.  There were a lot of cheesy smiles with this group, and I took several pictures in my effort to get that last great shot.  Finally, I got a really fabulous shot of all four of them (and Santa, too!), and stopped to show this lady, who had been taking pictures with her own camera this whole time.

Now our purpose is to take pictures so people will buy them... that's our product, a photo of their child with Santa.  This is important to remember.  Because a lot of people must think we're a charity... they get indignant when we tell them that visits with Santa are free, of course, but if they'd like to take pictures with their own cameras, they need to buy a picture.

I know, it sounds so mercenary on our part.  But all of us are working to make money, and yes, Santa is paid to sit and smile for the camera and chat up those voluble little ones who have a list with pictures included.  All of that takes money, and if everyone got to take their own pictures, there would be no Santa next year.

Besides, Santa is a fiction made up by some marketing guy with Coca Cola, and we know the real reason for the season, and he ain't it.  But that's a whole 'nother post.  So yes, I am a little bit mercenary because while this is a big cultural thing, it's not that important.  At least not important enough to go someplace and teach your children what a dishonest person you are.  Have I fully turned into the Grinch yet?  Almost....

Anyway, this lady took a ton of pictures of her children and then turned to look at the gorgeous picture I took and said, "No, I don't think we'll get any pictures today."  And walked away.  I'm sure she's a very reasonable, even a very nice person in life, but at that moment, she was the devil incarnate to me.  I was struck speechless as she walked away and herded her kids out of the area.

I thought she was the enemy.  I prayed for her to repent and to feel guilt and whenever she looked at those pictures she would torment herself over her dishonesty.  Every time I thought about it, I would self-righteously pray for her to be convicted of her nastiness and soul-less behavior.  That night, I did not sleep well; I had weird dreams that left me feeling strange and exhausted in the morning.

That next morning, as I lay in bed listening to the radio alarm, I thought about it, and a little voice said to me, "You need to forgive this woman."  WHAT???  Forgive HER?  Noooooo!

Forgive her... hmmmm.  At that moment, my eyes were opened to what really took place.  That woman probably slept really well, and enjoyed her pictures immensely.  She probably went home exulting in the fact that she got around the system, and that she beat us at our game.  I don't really know what she was thinking.

But when I began praying for bad things to happen to her (yes, I did.  I'm guilty, and ashamed), I leaped out of God's will, and began behaving like the enemy always wants us to behave.  And I was wholly and willingly on the enemy's team for a while, the entire time thinking I was so much better than she was.  I was the enemy, to myself, and even to God for a moment.  Until He showed me gently where I was wrong.

You see, Jesus said "If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also." (Luke 6:29)


I am thankful that I was speechless when that lady walked away, otherwise I'd have more repenting to do.  I needed to pray for that lady the way God wants me to: to pray for her to know Him, that she would be blessed when she looked at those photos, that she would come in contact with Christians who can tell her about His love for her.  I needed to look at her as someone who needs God, just as I need Him.

I needed to behave like a follower of Christ.

Forgiveness from God is not easy; He gave His Son so that I could be forgiven.  But God extends forgiveness freely to all of us, even when we behave like the enemy.  As long as we turn away from that behavior and learn from it, God will always take us back.  I want to be like those 3-year-olds who come to Him with shining eyes, and clamber onto His lap, happy to be in His presence.

May your Christmas be full of joy and forgiveness.